its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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