Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
