apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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