He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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