she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
