Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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