11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
