I just made out with a guy for $7.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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