i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
NoShamevember. You game?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize