we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
