How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
