i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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