just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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