he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
