I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize