Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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