Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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