I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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