Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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