Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
