I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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