I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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