Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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