I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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