Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
