So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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