You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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