I bet he comes in French.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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