You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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