I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
