why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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