shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
