the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
