Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize