Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
