Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize