she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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