Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
