I think I won the penis lottery.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
nutella sex= disaster
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
