Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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