he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
