IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
