you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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