I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
