gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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