someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
