You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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