9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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