I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
