Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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