why didn't you poke me back
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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