Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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