how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
