I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
