Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
