Even the bartender felt bad for me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
