remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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