help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
