I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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