was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
