My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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