dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
