i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize