Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
