i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
