If i come over, it means nothing
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
