There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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