Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
