he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
