he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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