Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize