Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
