Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
