dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
