The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize