covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
