Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He kissed a someone with a penis
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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