sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
