its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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