Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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