today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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