If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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