Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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