What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize