Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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