Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
