I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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