I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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