You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
