I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
