It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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