help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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