So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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