i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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