[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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