she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
