I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
